Satan works hard to twist the most beautiful things into evil and deceiving things. Sexual relations have become one of those things. Especially in the church, I have found that having a baby is either the greatest thing in the world or it's the worst. This is because as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe that pre-martial sex and sex outside of marriage is one of the most vial sins. What we don't, as members of the church, is realize the divine gift that our Heavenly Father has given us--the creation of life. There is a specific time and order that this must occur though.
I didn't realize until I was married just how wonderful the commandments of dating were. We are encouraged to not date until the wonderful age of sixteen, and even at that point we are encouraged to group date until we are eighteen. These commandments often seem to be holding us back from the love life we long to have, but how many of us are ready to get married at twelve, fourteen, sixteen, or even eighteen for that matter? Single dating is for those who are looking for an eternal companion. Until we are ready for that quest, what is the point of becoming emotionally attached and possibly hurt. When I got married, I was so grateful to be able to share the sacred and beautiful responsibility of creating life with someone who had also been faithful to keeping those commandments. It suddenly all made sense! God wasn't trying to punish us, but rather he was setting guidelines and rules to help His children experience great joy and happiness as two of His children made covenants to be faithful to one another. Being sealed to Nathan for time and all eternity is such a blessing and I wish that every teenager would be able to feel a little bit of that joy. I believe that if we can understand why the commandments are there long before we are even tempted to break them we will be able to experience great joy as we enter the bonds of marriage. Another topic I would like to touch on is TRANSITIONS. For members of the church we grow up learning that sexual relations are wrong and evil and should never be thought of or discussed. And then we get married and are encouraged to participate in every act that we have thought of as immoral. At least for me, this was an extremely awkward transition. After being married, I found that my husband and I were very different. We have different ways that we become more attracted to another. This was never thought in a Sunday School or Young Women's lesson. (What an awkward lesson that would be!) My husband and I had to discuss these differences and realize that it was unnatural for us to be on the same page. Many couples, may not understand that the other works and functions difference then them. This unawareness, may create tension and frustration, which might also lead to no sexual relations, if the couple has already stopped the hugs, kisses, and holding hands that developed before marriage. This couple then has no opportunities to create. THE DIVINE PURPOSE FOR WHICH THEY WERE CREATED! I started by talking about transitions, but I believe that there really isn't a better way to transition, but rather that there is better way to have healthier relationships. By creating health relationships of communication, couples are able to discuss important topics of hurt, expectation and enjoyment in marriage. The small things that make us different won't be a wedge on the marriage if the couple know how to respectfully talk with one another about these issues. FRIENDS of Opposite Gender after Marriage. I am just going to start off by saying: If you wouldn't feel good about your spouse doing it, then you shouldn't be doing it. Having friends of the opposite gender can create wedges in your marriage if you are going to them with problems rather than your spouse, spouses may begin to compare themselves to those who get more of your time, and you can being to have an emotional connection with them even if your didn't originally plan to. Couples need to set boundaries right from the beginning and continue to discuss issues as the arise.
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This week we talked about preparing for marriage and falling in love. There were many things that opened up my mind on this topics so bare with me as I try to convey my thought.
We learned about the Know-Quo in dating. Together (a wide variety of shared activities) + Talk (mutual self-disclosure) + Time = The Know-Quo Together. While dating if we are going on a variety of dates, participating in different activities, we are able to see that person in different areas and how they may react to different situations. When my husband and I first got married we were given an assignment at church. We were assigned to teach children ages 18 months to 3 years old. Most people would be moaning and groaning, but my husband and I were excited! It became one of my favorite things to watch Nathan as he played with the little children and how they became attached to my husband, even if it was just for one day a week. One of the little children even declared him at the dad of the class. I absolutely loved seeing this part of husband and I have to admit that I found him pretty dang attractive. Talking. If we are going to watch a movie and are not talking with one another or finding out anything else about them, then what are we doing. Choosing activities that allow you to talk with your significant other, you are able to learn more about them. Time. I have to agree with the fact that it takes more than a week to get to know someone. You need to have time to get to know each other. While my husband and I were dating we had to speed up that process because I was scheduled to leave for a mission for my church and only had so long. This was a little nerve-racking, but we sped up the time part and found out as much about each other as we could. This took about 3 months to decide if I was going and 3 more to get engaged. It was little bit faster than it need to be maybe, but it worked for us. Another important topic is RAM (Relationship Attachment Model). This model shows how we should develop relationships. First, we need to KNOW someone more than we should TRUST them. We should TRUST someone more than we should RELY on them. We should RELY on someone more than we should COMMIT to them. We should COMMIT to someone more than we should have physical TOUCH with them. This is what the healthiest relationships are build on. If they weren't though, change them! Change is always possible! This week's topics included gender roles. NOTE: most of these statements are generalized and does not account for every woman or man. During class we made a list of of characteristics of males and females, and it looked a little like this: MALES: VS. FEMALES: -aggressive -expressive -competitive -cooperative -gross/ task oriented -detail oriented -spatial -relational -mathematical -language -logic -emotionally expressive As we look at the list above we can see a couple of things. First of all, each is exactly opposite to the other. As I contemplated why God would create so exactly opposite beings and command that they come together as husband and wife. I believe that God knew that we need two inherently different individuals that would bring different characteristics into a home. Because of that exact reason, it is so vitally important that there is a father and a mother in the home who are attentive to their children. I really believe that these characteristics are not meant to be gender specific, but are extremely important to have within a home from either parent. You may be thinking that this is great information, but what does it have to do with me? As we learn about different topics concerning, well, anything, we become more aware and more compassionate towards those who may be different that us. We watched part of a clip called the Tale of Two Brains, that is shown below. This clip is drastically exaggerated on how men's and women's brains work, in general. Although it is exaggerated, we are still able to see the point that we operate differently. From watching this video, I now understand that while I may be thinking about what happened last week, what we are having for dinner, how I am going to get a good grade on my final in two months and the insignificant conversation that my husband and I had two weeks ago; my husband is sincerely and ultimately, only thinking about nothing. When we were first dating, I thought he was lying to me (ha, not really) or he just didn't want to tell me, but understanding that we work differently allows me to realize that we are different AND THAT'S OKAY. |
Kelli-MarieI am a junior at Brigham Young University-Idaho, studying Marriage and Family Studies. Archives
March 2017
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